Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, “Are you ill?”
The second byte replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.”
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Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”
“Yeah,” reply the bytes. “Make us a double.”
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Q. How did the programmer die in the shower?
A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
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How many programers dose it take to change a light bulb?
None – It’s a hardare problem
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Why do programmers always mixup Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.
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There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don’t.
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A programmer walks to the butcher shop and buys a kilo of meat. An hour later he comes back upset that the butcher shortchanged him by 24 grams.
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“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
very long pause….
“Java.”
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Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomesirritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous toyour health!”
To which the man replies, “I am a programmer. We don’t worryabout warnings; we only worry about errors.”
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There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damned lies, and benchmarks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ All programmers are playwrights, and all computers are lousy actors.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "Great" he said,
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff thatwill make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Facebook, writing error messages.
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A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy newbike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”
The student on the bike replies,“While I was studying outside, abeautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You can have anything you want’.”
The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”
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